After the much heralded exercising yesterday, turns out it was all worth it. I lost .9 kg!! Booyah, after weeks of no change, it’s nice to finally see some light at the end of the big fat tunnel. I’m not sure whether it was the laxitives or the organ donation but something is really working for me!! 60 Kilograms LOOK OUT!!

It has been a strange week. Like I discussed, my body gave up the ghost, so it hasn’t been great going out into public with a deformed as face. And well it’s now the weekend I really don’t feel like facing the scrutinizing masses. I guess I should find something to occupy my time that isn’t playing with my yo-yo or thinking about being lonely.

Well it’s been fun being completely unoriginal. It’s a shame that this repetition hasn’t translated into massive weight loss. I find it hard to believe that I did not lose/gain any weight in a week! Nothing! I don’t get that. Maybe my skinny friend was right when I asked her the following question-
Me: “hey friend, just a quick Q…”
Skinny Friend: “sure”
Me: “Laxative-friend or foe?”
Skinny Friend: ” Friend.”
Me:” for realz?”
Skinny Friend: “Laxative to the Maxative.”

When I say enchilada you say HEYYY.
Enchilada!  (HEYYY)
Enchilada!  (HEYYY)
Enchilada!  (HEYYY)

Today I said to my lame co-worker…if they have enchilada’s for lunch at the deli today, it’s my shout. Seriously what are the chances? Like 1 in 50. Why can’t I be as lucky in love as I as with enchiladas. Anyone out there see themselves as a human enchilada, if so, plz drop me a line, I’m so lonely.

Tonight I am going to weigh things up. People would probably recommend to me that I weigh up more than just my weight.  But what do you know, just cause you have a successful career, wife, a house, a car (or atleast a mode of transport that isn’t broken down), can type more than 50 wpm and know all the words to Umbrella. Sometimes I think that maybe I should strive for 1 or 2 of those things on your list, like today, today I am thinking that. But right now I am also thinking I might have gelati for dinner,  so suck on that Mr. Successful.

I’m not sure, but it seems as though exercise and early mornings are a cocktail for tiredness! What are the chances?! It feels a little nice to be excercising, and it also feels un-nice to be tired. No pain, no gain? What about if you are trying to gain weight, where’s the pain in that?

Yeah, Velvet revolver

Turns out the local government has cheap fitness classes at rediculously early times of the morning. Guess who is going to try this “excercise” thing out, tomorrow at 6am? After ballooning to 70kg over the past year, I have decided that tomorrow is the day this all changes! I’m thinking about shaving my head also, every gram counts.

I mean if I wasn’t so lonely I wouldn’t have all this time on my hands. And like they say, time on your hands is like an unopened Christmas present from your parents.  For all you know it could be that a new Transformers figurine that you’ve wanted since you were 11 which has been made even more cooler now that the new movie is super-awesome. BUT it could also be 6 pairs of underwear that you mentioned that you needed sometime back in August. It’s really the luck of the draw with time, you hope for the best, hope something good comes along- but in the long run you know your going to end up with 6 pairs of gruds.

So I couldn’t access this computer yesterday, so it’s a day late. Sad times, I know. Makes me cry on the inside, not on the outside of course. The outside is all about fake confidence and an assuring glimmer in my eye that lets you know I’m a complete mess on the inside and probably the loneliest guy you know.

I’m a lonely guy. You know it ’s true, and I know it’s true. This was amplified the other day when I went to a supermarket and bought a “Complete Caesar Salad Kit”. I mean there was only one of me and I knew I would have to throw half of it away. When I got it home I opened to find that even pre-packaged,grocery-store bought salads were making fun of me. 3, Three, tres packets of croutons! It’s like the Complete Caesar Salad Kit said, “Hey you probably couldn’t even eat 1 packets of croutons, so here’s 3…how does that feel (loner)?” Yeh, salad talks to me. At the time, I was like WHOA ZOMG!! TEH AWESOMEZZ! Someone really must like me by giving me 3 crouton packets…just like the time they had 2 for 1 Curly Wurlies. But the more I think about it, the more I realise how lonely I really am. Anyone want to share my “croutons”…

….best pick-up line ever!